Bear with me while I ruminate on some thoughts that have filtered into my consciousness recently. They source from some unrelated fields of study but somehow make sense to me. Then it’s up to you to decide for yourself if what I say makes sense to you. Get married online Australia is now trending in social media because of this pandemic it is still impossible to get married.
Traditionally, wedding rings have been worn on the so-named ring finger, either on the left hand or, in some countries, on the right. This tradition dates back thousands of years to ancient Greece and Egypt, where it was thought that a vein in the ring finger, called the vena amoris, the vein of love, traveled to the heart. It was later discovered that there was no such vein but over the centuries, wearing a wedding band on the ring finger had become the way to do it and it’s still that way today.
I’d like to propose that there’s another way to regard the fingers’ connections to the organs of the body. Looking at the acupuncture meridians in Chinese medicine, we see that, in fact, the heart meridian is on the pinky finger! Further, we see that the meridian for the pericardium – the tissue surrounding the heart, seeming to hold the heart – is on the middle finger. So now we actually have two fingers on each hand that relate directly to the heart. Interesting.
When we consider palmistry (I warned you that I was blending unrelated fields), we see that there is no finger that corresponds to the heart, which actually is on the palm across the base of the fingers. But the pinky finger represents Mercury and the middle finger Jupiter. (The ‘ring’ finger is the Sun, the index finger is Saturn, and the thumb is Uranus.)
So combining the energies of Mercury and Jupiter, and wearing our wedding rings on these fingers, we in effect can make the statement that “You are always in my thoughts” (Mercury – the mind) and “I hold you in the highest respect, esteem and love” (Jupiter – big things). So I’m fairly happy with deciding on these fingers as representing the best symbols and our best intentions toward our marriage and our marriage partner.
Now let’s play with another field of study, energy medicine, which states that the flow of energy through the body enters through the left hand and exits through the right hand. (This may be switched for those of us who are left-handed, but perhaps not. Left-handers need to try to sense this to determine if it holds true for them.)
The question then becomes – if I am receiving energy through my left hand and giving it out from my right, how do I work that into which finger of which hand I wear my wedding ring on?
My logic suggests the energy of love that I receive from my partner is what holds us together, like the pericardium that holds the heart. Therefore, I’d wear a wedding ring on the middle finger of my left hand.
The love that I give to my partner would be from my heart meridian on my right hand, or my pinky finger. This suggests that we wear two rings instead of one, representing the giving and receiving of love between two people. The circle of life, the circle of love.
The final piece of the puzzle comes into my mind from the Edgar Cayce readings, in which it was stated that the energy of gold is “renewing” and the energy of silver is “sustaining.” So now I have a final choice to make – which ring should be silver and which gold? This one might be best left to each of you to feel for yourselves and what you hope for in marriage.
This also brings to mind a tradition from India, where arm bands of certain religious sects were made of gold, silver and copper (a traditionally Venus metal, and therefore indicative of love). All three bands are either fused together or intertwined and worn on the upper arm.
See? You have so many beautiful choices about how you will express your marriage commitment! Fingers, precious metals, and flows of energy back and forth between you two.
Speaking of marriage, it might be time to redefine what is going on with this tradition in the 21st Century. Of course, we are aware of the high percentage of divorces, up to 50% in some areas. So what’s up with that?
I think that originally the lifetime commitment was introduced by ancient religious leaders as a way to demonstrate the principle that there is only One Relationship that matters, our relationship with God (by whatever Name we use), and that our commitment to one person is our pattern on earth to model, reflecting our devotion to the principle of Oneness. (I sense that this was also a patriarchal move to ensure that the woman remained faithful, regardless of what the man did, as history suggests.)
We only see strict adherence to the idea of marriage with one person lasting a lifetime in the Western factions. In most other societies and religions, there are either loopholes by which divorce can easily be obtained or no lifetime condition present at all. Or no monogamy either. The maternally dominated societies were famous for the woman choosing a partner for as long as she wanted, then moving on to the next one. (Kind of sounds like a lot of people these days, no matter what “vows” were taken.)
The fact remains that in this day and age, the original intent of demonstrating oneness has pretty much fallen by the wayside. Some people are looking for guarantees and stability to raise a family and have a steady economic source. Some may have a romantic notion about ‘being together forever’ but this rarely sustains two people through the steeper challenges that life tends to deliver from time to time.
One thing we can understand is how difficult that first year of being together can be. Two people leading two different lives coming together under one roof 24/7. Whether you see this as a test of love or a sign that the partnership wasn’t meant to be will determine how well you weather this initial period of massive adjustment.
It’s no surprise that more and more couples are opting for a living together arrangement to test the strength of the relationship (and themselves) for a period of time. This reminds me of the old Celtic tradition of hand-fasting, wherein a priest or holy person united a couple for the time of one year and one day. After that, they could decide whether to go on to a longer term marriage or not.
The only thing that saddens me about couples living together these days is that there is no special or even sacred ceremony to mark the beginning of what is really quite an important turning point in both individuals’ lives. I’d love to see the hand-fasting ceremony reintroduced into our Western society, not to mark the beginning of something religious necessarily, but to demonstrate the importance of the love connection that has bound two people together. It’s one thing for roommates to get together for social and economic reasons; but a love connection seems to me to deserve a statement to the world about its specialness that a ceremony can impart.
Then, after a period of time of living together – whether a year or more – when the two people feel that a longer term, more formal commitment beckons them, what I’d really love to see is a monogamous commitment based not on “forever”, but on for how ever long the relationship has meaning and is meant to last.
What I mean by this is that we can see time and again that sometimes there just comes a point when the relationship itself is “completed” or over. There is a purpose for two to come together. Those two together form a third entity – the relationship itself. Just like every other thing under the sun, it has a purpose and a lifespan.
This doesn’t mean that the partners now hate each other. It may mean that some conditions have changed enough so that the relationship itself cannot be sustained or may no longer be relevant. It may simply mean that, whatever purpose was initiated at the beginning of the relationship has been fulfilled. And it may take the individuals some time to realize what that was. Hopefully, with helpful guidance, they can come to terms with the ending and continue on with their lives, having grown and learned and loved as best they can.
When we look back in history and see the conditions people lived under so much of the time, it’s easy to understand why the permanence and security of “forever” was so appealing. For those who regarded a monogamous marriage as a demonstration of their faithfulness to their one God, this feeling of commitment is no longer the common uniter of couples.
So let’s get real with our vows. Let’s acknowledge that things can’t last forever just because we say that’s what we want at one point in our lives but somewhere down the road ‘things change.’ Yes, there is great personal growth and building of character and maturity in sticking through hard times… something more and more individuals seem reluctant to do.
Being honest with our vows to each other will help us become more aware of and sensitive to the fulfillment of the relationship when it’s occurred, if it comes to that. If it survives, that’s glorious. If not, no harm, no foul. “To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.” [Ecclesiastes]
There’s a final consideration I’d like to throw out about marriage… the marriage license, the legal document that says that the State you live in has granted you permission to become legally married. Gee, thanks for that.
We’ve all heard the disaster tales about horrible divorces – another legal stumbling block. It just makes things very messy, this legal aspect that may benefit the State you live in but not necessarily the longevity of your relationship. After all, now it’s not just you and your mate, but you and your mate and the State of Virginia, for example. Legally it’s a threesome you’re entering. No thanks.
I’d like to see more couples find out the legal definition of what constitutes a “common law” marriage. In some States it’s as little as a year or two, in others it’s up to seven years. Stay together that long and you are considered married by that State and can access those benefits afforded a legally married couple without the strings of legal bindings.
But the hidden gift in going for a common law arrangement is that you have a longer period of time to experience living and loving together and, before that time has expired, you are free to continue on with your lives if the purpose of the relationship has completed itself or if the individuals grow apart.
It’s all food for thought. “The times they are a-changin'” sang Bob Dylan, and they’ve been changing rapidly over the past several decades. Some traditions may have value to hold onto; others may find it’s time to adapt to a new world. Your choice. Just get real and be better true to yourself in making it. In making them all.
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